daydaythemogul's Blog

mental peace

Honestly, this blog is like my emotional checkpoint. The inspiration for each blog is me. That is why every blog I post is so detailed, because it reflects exactly whatever life lesson I’m learning at the moment.
I’m at a good place in my life. I mean, my circumstances are still not at my liking, but I have mental peace.
Seriously speaking, this is the worse circumstance I’ve ever been in, but this is the most happiest I’ve ever been. It’s so ironic, but true.
Now when I look back at those high school/college days where I let the smallest issues depress me I laugh. I had everything. I had  my complete family, health, money, friends etc. Now that all of those things have almost all been taken away, I have more peace without them.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not the absence of those things that has made me happy. In fact, when I lost everything, I went in to a deep depression. I am at a place in my life where God is really all I have.
You’d think that I would feel horrible, but I don’t. I really began to seek God in everything I do and it has paid off  mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Studying God’s word through my tribulation has given me hope. I read stories about men in the bible like Joseph and Job, who had to go through the most but ultimately became triumphant.
The bible is really a life guide and a manual. I wish people really read the bible instead of memorizing certain prayers.
Praying also works wonders. If I feel depressed I pray for revelation and assurance and I receive it.
Now I am no irrational bible thumper, I am simply someone who had no option but God and gave him a chance. Giving my life COMPLETELY to God has been the best decision I could’ve ever made.
Humble beginnings is my reality for now, but when my breakthrough manifests from my faith and God’s grace, you all will be motivated to try God too.
So if you’re in a season, or maybe your while life has been turmoil, try giving your life to God whole heartedly, and watch him mend broken hearts, replace what you’ve lost, and make you whole.

If you need me to pray for you, email me at deshawnbrown93@gmail.com

Why do I feel so unappreciated and unloved?

Ever felt unappreciated? Like you’d lay your life on the line for people whose mind you barely cross? I wish I could tell you that it is all in your head, but I can’t. The reality is, that just may be the case.
All human beings are different. Which means our emotions, priorities, needs and wants are not the same. I had to learn this for myself. I am in a transition phase in my life. I am seeking God’s purpose for my life and it has left me at a stand still with a lot of things from  my old life. I realized that when my priorities changed, others priorities stayed the same. I also realized that some of the things or people I prioritize do not prioritize me. It is something that saddens me from time to time, but as each day goes by I remind myself I cannot be distracted

Between trying to find my calling, work on  my health, maintain friendships, decipher who to let go, love myself, love someone else and discipleship, it has gotten to be almost overbearing. Many who read this wont even know what I am talking about, but someone will. When you are in a true transition from an old life to your called life you are literally ripping yourself away from what you knew during your entire existence.
When you are going in the direction that God wants you to go, the devil will do anything to distract you. If he sees that he cannot hurt you through monetary or material possessions, then he will move to your weakness.
My weakness is love. It is so ironic that my weakness is also my strength. When I love something or someone, they have the ability to encourage me to move mountains but they also have the power to discourage me to feel helpless. Yesterday I found myself crying on the floor at a breaking point. It wasn’t because of the lack of money or education, not even the status of my employment. I found myself at a rock bottom because I felt so unloved and unappreciated. In all honesty I felt as if there was no one on this Earth that ever made me an important factor in their lives and to everyone, I was just an option. If you are reading this and you have ever felt like this, I am going to keep it real with you.
If you feel like that, then that is probably the reality. Does that mean you are a bad person? No. Does that mean that you are unworthy? No. Does that mean you won’t ever be a priority? No.
What we must understand is that God has to be our priority. We have been God’s priority since the beginning of time. He sent his begotten son to die on the cross for you and I to be rachet and reckless and have the ability to repent for it. It sounds so cliche but if you can just let go of those people that don’t give you that attention you long for and give it to God, you will be so happy you did.
I mean really, I am learning to let go of people. Does that mean I hate them? No. Do I love them any less? No. But I had revelation and I realized my faults. Rather than waiting for mama, cousin, boo thang or my friends to comfort me I could be finding my comfort in God.
Keep in mind I said learning, because this is something I struggle with, and this is a lesson that I learned not even 24 hours ago. I told myself that from now on I am putting God as my priority. I cannot rely on man because it leaves me disappointed everytime. It saddens me but it doesn’t defeat me. I hope that you are not only encouraged by reading this but reminded. Reminded that you cannot be distracted by spiritual attacks and that you have purpose and prosperity waiting for you at the other side of this small test. Be encouraged.

life is hard, if you would like me to pray for you or if you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me via email at deshawnbrown93@gmail.com

Social Networking sites can suck.

Social Networks

As technology advances, so does the means of communication. Not too long ago, a beeper was the thing to have. Then, cell phones. Then all of a sudden, something called the internet was created  and we could connect with the whole world through social networking.

Since my walk with God, I put everything in to a spiritual perspective. Although social networks are for good, the devil has perverted it to make living a holy life feel that much more impossible.
Think im being irrational? Think about it. Grandma Susie Mae and Grandaddy Pop didn’t have instagram and Facebook. Do you see them breaking up every five minutes? Do you see Grandaddy pop slinging yae to keep up with everyone’s lavish image?
No. You see how love is timeless and how material things dont matter. Their money is invested in businesses accounts rather than shoes that go out of style every 5 months. If you dont believe me, let me break it down.

The Pros

Social networking sites have pros. You can be your own PR, you can even become famous. You can even preach the gospel to those who would’ve never heard a sermon before. Social networking sites also makes it easier to contact people you would’ve never been able to reach. I like to think of a direct message as the “gentle approach” compared to approaching someone in person.
You can also find love.. If you’re into that. They have websites where you can find a mate and hit it off. See now, for me, no. I dont knock anyone who goes on them websites down, its just that lifestyle is not for me. I rather sit here with some cats and be lonely. My pride is going have me by myself lol.
Anywho, y’all get what I mean. Social networking sites do come in handy… Its just that once that devil get a grip, all hell breaks loose, literally.

The Cons

Sigh, I hate to be such a negative Nancy but here we go… Social networking sites are awesome but if you don’t see the destruction you’ll fall right into the trap.. It makes it hard for young people with love, finances, self esteem etc.

Love

Now this is an unsaid truth, or maybe you do say these things lol. Everybody knows that social networking makes maintaining love harder these days. Let me explain why.
Okay so picture this, you’re hitting it off with this guy/girl and you really start liking them. Y’all a lil secret, but you guys wanna get on the gram (instagram) and show these haters how cute y’all look together. So, you guys upload a picture.
Now, you subconsciously wait for everyone’s approval with “aww” and heart eye emojis.
Ladies, next thing you know, the likes come in slow, slower than his average pictures get. Then you see girls comment saying “lol” or “oh”. In your mind, you are infuriated and you’re ready to give up.
Now all these random chicks start following you, you check em out, and you see a picture of your dude and the girl uploaded from a year and six months ago before you even knew him, but you dont care. You end up cutting him off without letting him explain how his ex is not over him but he has no ties with her. Now you just lost you a good man from being goofy.
Now you got all his exes following you and you may not follow back, but if their page is public, chile you on it. If its private, you got your third cousin twice removed to follow her so yall can see her page. While you’re on it, you’re constantly comparing yourself to her and some days she looks really nice and now you feeling all low.
Then, you see the ex at a function and since you both follow each other you feel obligated to speak. Now you done allowed someone that you did not want to be in your life, be in your life.
Fellas, y’all not off the hook. You upload a picture of you and your girl and all you’re homeboys that tried to talk to her try to make her seem like a jezebel. Now instead of asking her about her past, you jump to conclusions and cut her off.
There is nothing more annoying than a hurt man, know why? Because men dont cry, they just try not to care. So instead of really trying to fix it they’ll throw the hurt away instead of dealing with it. Now sir, you done lost a good woman because you were being goofy.
Now y’all in a depression. The girl that cut her guy off still follows him, since he’s smiling on a picture he uploaded for the first time in 10 months she assumes he’s happy without her. Little does she know, she’s all he thinks about. He decided to upload a picture smiling so that his facade of a happy life would be updated, when deep inside he’s heart broken.
Oh and the guy that cut the girl off? Yeah, he’s stalking the girl’s page. He’s worried because she hasn’t uploaded a picture in months. So instead of calling her, he uploads love memes about five times a day winning hearts of every girl on instagram but the one he truly wants.
Now I know yall thinking im being irrational, but im really not. People are going through this everyday. Instead of investing in potential marriages and covenants we are giving up for stupid reasons from social networking sites.
Finances

Sigh. Social networking sites allows facades to be in our faces all day. I personally come from a poor neighborhood (well, im still here lol) and at the age im at, im not financially stable to go all around the country every weekend with red bottoms on, but for some reason, many people my age in these days can.
Everytime I go on instagram or Facebook, I see people my age in foreign rental cars and 400 dollar hair do’s. I see them going to Vegas one week, the next week they’re off to Atlanta. In my mind im thinking… Is it something that I am doing wrong? If me and my friends try to plan a trip it takes about 3 years to go two hours out the city lol.
Then I put everything in perspective. Half the people my age are selling drugs, doing fraud, borrowed they cousin old virgin hair, account in the negatives but car gas tank full, police got a warrant waiting for them when they get back in the states, etc.
Rather than taking out those subsidized and unsubsidized loans to go on a trip to show Facebook, how about we pay off our debts, be broke in our youth and invest in our future?
How about we open a savings account and dont touch any of the money, let it increase over time, take out ten percent of every check we make and by the age of 40 invest and start a business?
Its so many people trying to keep up with the Jones’s that they are going to end up locked up or in massive debt in the future.

Self Esteem

I’m an apple shape… My friends like to say I have a SpongeBob booty, and I know this to be true lol. Now, I could be grateful that God has blessed me with all my limbs and a beautiful face lol or I could go on Buffy the body’s instagram and depress myself because I dont have the body she has.
Now I know I am not the only person who has self esteem issues, but a lot of times these girls compare themselves to unrealistic examples. Most of these “beautiful bodies” are man made instead of God made because of all that plastic surgery. Now you sitting at big mama’s table on Sunday eating a big pot of greens because that is what a video vixen told you to do to get her booty. She left out her shots, and now them collard greens got you with a stomach and you look pregnant. Dont say I didn’t warn y’all.

Bottom line is, we can’t compare ourselves to the rest of the world… That is what social networking sites do to us. Yes, there is good but there is also bad. There are so many other points I could’ve made but this blog would’ve turned into a book lol. That is why I am making a new instagram, with only people who I actually care about seeing how they are doing, with people who aren’t living for a facade, NOBODY’S EXES and people who are trying to live a happy holy life like me. Till next time friends lol

The Wilderness

They say once we are saved we are to be Christ like. We are supposed to think about how we treat people and how we respond to not only temptation but tribulation.

I used to think that the hardest task as a disciple was giving up sin but it isn’t. In my opinion, the hardest thing to do is love like God loves. It is consuming to love those who use and abuse you. Friends who you constantly think about whose mind you dont even cross. 

Everyday I am reminded of the valley I am in. I know that these times of tribulation are temporary. I understand who my real friends are now, and who are seasons. I understand peoples motives and their ulterior motives. In this, I also understand that I cannot allow them to anger me, but instead provoke me to pray for them and to forgive.

I am not the only child of God going through this. It is to my understanding that every TRUE child of God has either been through, going through, or about to enter their time of wilderness. Stay strong my brothers and sisters, stay strong. 

Can I keep the memories? (poem)

This is an emergency.
Your face is what my eyes can’t see.
I need you to be here with me….
I’m reading scriptures, im praying,
You’re on my mind, but its fading.
My worst fear is waking up to nothing
Cause I can’t remember anything.

So I get down on my knees
I cry out to the lord while im praying
Can I keep the memories?
Can I keep the memories?
Forgetting is easy, remembering is hard me.
To be absent from the body is present with the lord,
I know that but its hard to ignore,
The fact that each day goes by
I’m forgetting no matter hard I try.

I know you were amazing,
I know that you loved me.
I know no matter how crazy,
 you kept the family.
You provided for me and it made me cry,
Everytime, because for me you sacrificed.

 and now all that’s left…
Is some pictures on a shelf.
And the faith that I keep..
Knowing one day you’ll see me.
Again… In brighter way
Again… Trust me when I say
Again… Because Jesus died for my sins..
So we win.

But for now,
When the sun goes down,
And the happy facade fades away
I’ll use my imagination to temporarily numb my pain.

I’ll get down on my knees
I’ll cry out to the lord while im praying
Can I keep the memories?
Can I keep the memories?
Please let me keep the memories.
That’s all I have left.

House Arrest (poem by me)

By the year 2026, my son will be on house arrest,
The judicial system and law enforcement wont have anything to do with this.
The sentence will be sentenced by me,
Look at the rate our black men are dying.
So if I, have to be a judge, wear a big black cape,
To tell my son that he has no freedom to play outside, to keep him safe ,
Then I’ll be apart of the court’s supreme,
Making sure our black men aren’t extinct.

I’ll take him to the hospital with a white mask and white gloves,
So one day he isn’t shot six times with his hands up.
His diet will never consist of Arizona or skittles candy,
Because if you are a black man with a sweet tooth ,they see you worthy to be killed and forgotten by many.
He won’t even have the ability to flirt
With a white lady who looks nice
Because in this country, his life will be the price
We live in a land where the blacker the berry, the more bitter the hate.
Who knows the future evil that racism will allocate?
So I’ll be judge Melanin Brown, ordering every black man to stay in their house.
If they leave out the door, their life is good as gone
I’m tired of our people standing up and they try to convince us were wrong.
By the year 2026, my son will be on house arrest,
The judicial system and law enforcement wont have anything to do with this

Living With a Demonic Force

Although I am very honest and open, believe it or not I am very selective on what I choose to talk about.

I prefer talking about the things I’ve overcome rather than what I’m going through now, but due to the seriousness of this ongoing battle I feel the need to share this situation.

We always talk about supernatural blessings and angels watching over us, but we rarely speak about supernatural storms and demons working against us.

You know when you have a testimony so big, that you know it wasn’t anyone but the Lord? Well, sometimes the environment or the people around us can make us so miserable that it is nothing but the devil.

I’m what you would call a “new saint”. I wasn’t raised in the church, and I’m slowly learning how to properly use the power that God has given me.

 

Living with a Demonic Force

Not everyone can relate to this post, but many can. It is nothing worse than to have no peace in your home. The world outside your front door doesn’t make it any easier, you realize you don’t have peace anywhere.

I have felt this way my whole life until I got seriously saved. I realized that church is where I got my peace. Being back in Miami to these problems are consuming, but when I am in the sanctuary I feel at home.

Although church is where I get my sanity, the majority of my time is spent home, in the midst of some kind of demonic force. I had an epiphany today and I realize what I have to do to spiritually defeat this.  

I don’t go in to depth about any of this with my friends because this is a battle only the lord can fight. If you are dealing with a spirit if dysfunction, domestic violence, child abuse, rape, etc I’m going to tell you what you need to do.

Let GOD handle it

If you are living with a demonic force of some type of physical harm be smart about your defense mechanism. Yes I do believe in the notion “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” but that is not justification for you to be mighty mouse and end up getting knocked out.  

Allow God to have this battle because he can do way more than you can. Go somewhere safe, get on your knees, and pray. Then get your bible and read psalm 55, 56, and most importantly psalm 60.

Understand that the greater the valley the greater the testimony. Also understand that all great things take time. Your breakthrough may not be tomorrow, or the next day, but keep believing in God and he will use this storm for your good.

 

Genesis 50:20 New International Version (NIV)

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Oh how I love that scripture… It gets me through and I hope it encourages anyone who needs it. If anyone needs prayer I’ll be more than happy to pray for them. If you dont want to let me know on here, you can let me know via email at DeshawnBrown93@Gmail.com

My Buddy in Christ

I won’t disclose a name but the person who this is for will know this is for him when he reads it lol. He’s pretty selfish so he wanted me to write a blog about him so I said okay jk lol.

It’s hard to live right and to fight temptation on your own, for me, almost impossible. We kind of got serious about being saved at the same time and it opened my eyes to a lot. One day I was just thinking and I was like “wow, we’ve both changed ALOT”.

If you are saved and you want to change your life and live for Christ I encourage you to not only influence as many as you can, but to also have a buddy system. I’ll refer to him as my buddy.

I don’t think people realize the impact on their lives that one can actually have. I could go on for days for all the mental barriers he’s helped me out of. I’ve never told him all the things he’s done for me and I won’t go in detail on here because its personal, but just know he’s helped me get out of the worst kinds of mindsets.

I’m going through a lot of stress in my life and having him to talk to makes me look forward to waking up in the morning. I’ve never been so open to anyone in my life, it’s kind of scary. That type of open where you’re not even sure how they perceive you anymore. For once I can finally be vulnerable without having second thoughts about it.

I’m a sap and a tad bit dramatic, but I am also honest. Lately I’ve been feeling like my soul is tied to him, its weird. Like, if I’m sleep I’ll wakeup right before he texts me lol, or he’s constantly in my dreams in some shape or form.

He makes me really happy despite the hell in my environment. If one day we parted our ways in life, I’d still think of him in my dementia. I’d probably have flashbacks in my final days demanding my grandchildren to find him lol. Hopefully that’s never the case, but if it is I would still wish him the best of life God could possibly bless someone with. Life would really suck without him though.

Lately I’ve been trying this whole love without conviction thing out. I really love him, and ya know, if it isn’t returned or unequalled well it’s just another thing i can pray out of.

I’m living for once, living honest, with my heart on my sleeve. Loving people to the point where it probably scares them lol. All I know is, if i died tomorrow, the people that matter most wouldn’t have to question anything because I wear my heart on my sleeve and I won’t have it any other way. (: 

The College Dropout

I’ve always loathed school. I remember the first time I started making excuses not to go to class. It was fifth grade, I would sell snacks on behalf of the Spanish club during math class. Yep, order of operations was too uninteresting and challenging for my taste, so the majority of the year I was doing something else.

Don’t get me wrong, I was pretty good in school. I was in the math club but I got kicked out because I had “too much mouth”, whatever. Anywho, I’m the type to that hated school and I never thought I belonged there.

You all can tell by my grammar errors and incorrect spelling that school is just not my forte, but I don’t believe I am alone. See the problem in society is that your intelligence is based off one type of system; education. Is the individual that can ace all math tests but cannot dance considered stupid? No. So why should someone skilled in dancing but doesn’t know math well be forced to take remedial classes?

For the longest I’ve always believed that I was stupid. I believed that there wasn’t anything for me out in the world because I wasn’t capable to be great.

It’s Not About What You Know, It’s WHO You Know

 

 High School was very scary for me. Not only was I advancing in a education system that I was not confident in, but I was entering a special school. I hated the inner city environment I was raised in, so I didn’t want to go to my assigned home school. Instead, I applied for a trade school where you can get your high school diploma and a certification in a certain field. 

High School was okay I guess, until senior year, that is. When I tell y’all they must’ve recruited these teachers from Harvard I ain’t lying. I had this one English teacher by the name of Mr.Gross who gave so much work it made me mad. His class for some reason was hard for me. Three days before high school graduation, they told me I wasn’t graduating.

Y’all know what’s worse than disappointing a mother? Disappointing a black mama in the hood. It’s something about black inner city mothers that every emotion turns into anger. I knew that if had I told her I wasn’t graduating, I would’ve had two black eyes and been in a wheelchair. So I didn’t tell anyone lol.

I got desperate, so instead of sitting in the front of the class giving academics my all, I figured I’d try the “work smart, not hard” approach. I ended up persuading them to allow me to graduate and I got a C in the class. Of course I didn’t do this alone, I prayed and had faith that despite my circumstances I’d graduate from high school. So they told me I would graduate high school they day before graduation. Whew, saved my neck and my back from severe pain lol.

College -_-

College for me was like “okay, lets make your life a living hell,  this is going to be the most heartbreak and death you’ve ever experienced and we want you to study 100 terms each night and NO EXCUSES… Have fun!”. I hated school and it was impossible to pass my classes on my own lol. My first two years I had some ghetto grades man, I mean for some reason school felt impossible to me.

 I was on academic probation two out of the three years I’ve been in college. Academic probation/GPA requirement is like going to prison and you’re out, but you can’t find a job. I mean I would go to soooo many interest meetings and just walk out as soon as they said GPA requirement. I felt like a convicted felon man.

Then all of a sudden, my grades had gotten way better, and my GPA boosted so much because I had a different game plan. I knew this was a time I had to work smart. So, I became my professors friend. It’s been classes I failed every test but have passed only because I made myself known in the class #network lol. Then it’s been times I’ve given a class my all and failed. So which route you think I’m going take?

Now I’m not saying give your teacher dap and not show up to class, but what I am saying is that they’ll try to help you if they know you. Give it your all, but also build a relationship with your professors. Brown nose, laugh at their corny jokes, stay after class, ask a question and tell them to have a nice day.

The Dropout lol

Now I know you all are probably saying to yourselves, “Unt un, why she giving me advice and she dropped out!”. Well, the reason I dropped out was financial and if I was to elaborate you’d be reading this all day lol. When I first realized I had to dropout I was heart broken. I wanted to graduate to make my family proud of me. Then I realized that nothing will make my family more proud than to succeed. You don’t need a degree to succeed, you just need faith and a great work ethic.

I’m in a weird stage of my life… The post “real world after college stage”. What is the weirdest part is that I don’t actually have a degree. That is okay though, I’ve been through way too much not to be someone. Through everything, God has given me hope and sanity.

Maybe I’ll become a pastor lol jk..well I don’t know. I haven’t gotten down the praise break yet. Whatever I’ll be, I’ll be good at it. I will make my family proud. I will make money for me, my kids, my man, and my tithes. #thatisall.

 

 

 

 

okay before I go, lately I have been using hashtags in my conversations. Is that annoying to y’all? If it is, I’ll stop #rightnow lol. I don’t know, I think it’s cool. Oh well, bye I guess lol.

 

Prosthetics (poem by me)

Our bodies are as God created them,
With men and women intertwined to create something whole,
Beginning with Adam and Eve.
God made Eve from the rib of Adam,
Knowing together they could be so much more.
I think of a child as the latter day Adam and Eve,
The mother being the soul, the heart, compassion, the body
The father being the confidence, the courage, the limbs to walk
I was born with no limbs.
No recognition of the confidence to ever love despite the compassion that was inside of me
Till one day, I received temporary prosthetics
These prosthetics weren’t perfect, but I didn’t care
I walked with a slight limp, loved oddly enough but at least my limbs were there.
But my limbs didn’t fully function, there was error,
My limbs unmercifully abused the body which left me in terror,
And from the abuse and misuse of the body i was confused
How can you support a body that you abuse
And then one day I woke up
I looked down and my prosthetics were no where to be found
For five years my prosthetics were loved without condition only to leave without a sound.
Sometimes it is better to never know what limbs feel like than to one day wake up, and once again, be without.
So I stopped walking.
I stopped loving because I had no limbs to distribute it.
Till one day I thought of God’s love for me
I opened my bible and began to make prosthetics for myself
And through my iniquity and transgressions God loves me and gives me the confidence to love someone else.
Now I use God as my prosthetics,
His were always on the shelf.
They weren’t as tangible as the ones I had before but they have infinite longevity.
Now I can love someone else.

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