I titled this blog my first kiss because im going to talk about my first kiss and what it did to me. But before that let me just elaborate on what I’ve observed from love in today’s society.
We are the microwave generation. We want everything fast. Back in the day it took time for relationships to manifest and it took time for them to end. The generation before us really valued marriage and the idea of “till death do us part”. This had a lot to do with their upbringing and decorum.
These days we do everything too soon. We have sex with people we dont even know and then we try to get to know them. We get married only to end in divorce a year later. The microwave generation: Get it quick to lose it quick.
My love Life
I grew up socially awkward to many. I wasn’t the girl who had all the guys begging to be with me. It was actually the complete opposite lol. All of my friends had boyfriends and I was always the single one. When I was in middle school that’s when everyone starting “dating” (peep the quotations). Everybody had their lil boo BUT me. I figured it was because I was overweight but then I would see overweight girls getting play too…. So I was just all confused. This left me feeling very unattractive and low about myself.
Nevertheless it didn’t bother me too much in middle school. I was really shy and in the back of my mind I knew I was too young to be romantically involved like that.
So now fast forward to high school. Chile, I didn’t know what to do. I had never been around so many men in my life. The plus was that they were straight out of puberty so I just knew what time it was. But it seems like none of them knew what time it was lol. Now that I was open and feeling ready to start dating I couldn’t find anyone to pursue me. Now this really began to bother me and my self worth. I began to feel like something was seriously wrong with me and I felt hideous.
Fast toward to college lol. Okay NOW im gone get some play…well, not really lol. It was very difficult for me to process what was happening. College is where I realized I was the below five percent of the generation that was still a virgin after 18. And I had so many rules I felt too strict for anyone lol. This was one of the first times in my life that guys looked at me and pursued me . But it was all for the wrong reasons. I had made up my mind that I was going to just buy cats because I was real confused as to why no one thought I was worthy to be in a relationship instead of using me for fleshly pleasure.
I wanted a boyfriend but I always knew that I wouldn’t date him if he didn’t want to marry me. KEEP in mind my wording. If HE didn’t want to marry ME. A lot of us women date only if we see ourselves marrying them… But what good is wanting to marry him if he doesn’t want to marry you? It was ONE of the strict rules I had but it was one I always vowed to stick to.
So after ten thousand years I finally was going into the “talking stage” with someone. Yall just go ahead and whip and naenae for me right quick. But now my issue was kissing. At this point yall can just put two and two together that I had never been kissed lol. Who was I gone kiss lol.
We started “talking” after I left college. We were the best of friends since high school but we both found God and fell in love with each other. We had a long distance situationship for a while and this was all new for me.
My first kiss
Now of course I tried to keep my never been kissed a secret. It was something I was embarrassed of. I mean at this point im in college and still had never kissed anyone. I feel like some of my friends picked up on it and never said anything lol. Shoot, I had never even had a man for real lol. People would ask me how many boyfriends I had and I would be like…. -rubs chin- two. (meanwhile I was lying)
Then one day my friend squinted her eyes and asked me how many people have I ever kissed and my answer was so dumb you can tell I lied. I was like uh……-rubs chin- like 2.5 because I don’t count one of them as a real kiss. She looked at me like bih please lol.
So now it was time to go and visit my lil man I was talking to. I went to Tallahassee to go see him. This was the first time we were in person while romantically involved with each other. Things were moving kind of slow. Like I said, I had never had nobody for real so I was extremely shy when it came to affection. Only thing I knew was sit next to your crush at church so yall can hold hands when yall pray.
I was only there for a week and I was waiting on the kiss everyday. I wanted it to be perfect. I had to have brushed my teeth like 5 times a day brushing my tongue real hard to make sure my breath was minty fresh. I was so paranoid that he was gone kiss me at any moment so I would gargle my juice in my mouth just incase I didn’t have access to my tooth brush.
But nothing like that happened. We hugged and cuddled while watching tv but no kiss.
Now its my last day in Tallahassee about to go back to Miami. We were spending time together before I left all boo’d up. I had given up on the idea of kissing so I had a vegetarian buffalo chicken sandwich with pineapples and black cherry seltzer water. Do you believe this boy kissed me -.-.
I wasn’t ready. I ain’t know what I was doing…. I felt like my breath was stank I was so embarrassed. It wasn’t even romantic. We had done been on a whole date night and he waits till we at the house chillin when im ragedy and my mouth wasn’t clean.
The After Math
When I had some alone time with God the Holy spirit told me he wanted me to wait till marriage to kiss. I could understand why. Once I did I realize I wanted more. And feeding in to that kind of craving wasn’t gone have me nothing but pregnant lol.
After a while we became a couple. Real official had done told our mamas and put it on facebook. God had wanted me to tell him how I had never been kissed or had a boyfriend and how I had to wait to be kissed till marriage.
When I saw him in person again I only told him how we couldn’t kiss until marriage. I thought that he wasn’t going to take it well but he just looked at me and said okay. Then a couple of months later I told him how he was my only boyfriend and kisser lol and he said “wow that’s cool”.
I felt very embarrassed and lame but he reacted the complete opposite. He thought it was cool I had never been with anyone and he reacted very positive to it.
Now I ain’t gone lie, I fell short of the glory and kissed him again after the first time but I repented for it and I kept it moving. I’m really trying to follow Gods way in this and I need all the prayer I can get lol.
Now I know some of yall are like well Deshawn its not a sin to kiss before marriage. Yall are right BUT this is why it is imperative to have the Holy Ghost.
God told me not to do it and I cannot disobey him. He knows me better than I know myself. I’m the type to OD on something I like. And if I OD on kissing that ain’t gone do nothing but create a fleshly desire that’s too strong for me.
For anyone who is wondering, I had my first boyfriend and my first kiss at 21. Yes…. That is shocking and impossible for some of you. But in reality, I wish I would’ve keep my first kiss till marriage. If there is any girl or guy out there that is trying to fit in with what anyone else is doing, dont. Stay true to yourself and be the light of the world by being a example of being your own person and not fitting in to anyone else’s standards. For a long time I was too embarrassed of myself but now I am proud