Insecure saints: Is wearing make up a sin?

If you guys don’t know, I am on a no make up no weave journey. It’s really just make-up but I decided to wear my natural hair out as well. I began wearing makeup when I first got to college. I was about 18 at the time. It started off with me wearing lipstick. I liked the compliments I got so I began wearing it every day. It slowly began to become addictive, because I couldn’t leave the house without it. Then all of a sudden I began wearing eye liner. I felt really pretty with it on and people really seemed to love my face when I wore it. So y’all already know I do not know moderation, so just like the lipstick, the eye liner became addictive. So instead of me realizing the problem, I added to it. I started drawing my eye brows on. I realized my eye brows were thick so I tried to trim them but instead I BUTCHERED them. At this point I had no eye brows so I was forced to draw them on. If I spent the night at my friends house, I would wash everything off but the eye brows lol.
So long story short, it had been almost two years that anyone had seen my face completely bare. At this point was self esteem was shot. If I wasn’t wearing makeup I didn’t even want to speak see anyone.
So lately the Holy Spirit had been telling me to stop wearing makeup. I ignored it and for a couple of weeks and I still wore it. But I realized that my low self esteem began consuming me. I would take the makeup off and feel so unattractive. I realized that the makeup became something that I made an idol and completely depended on. The deeper issue was why. I can’t speak for everyone my size, but as for me, I wore the makeup because  for once I felt as if I had a chance that I’ve never had before.
I’ve been pretty over weight for majority of my life. The make up gave me attention that I had never received before. I felt that without it, I wouldn’t stand a chance next to someone smaller than me.
It began being on my mind all the time. It also made it hard to date someone because I couldn’t seem to trust him. It has nothing to do with the guy, he’s awesome, it is because I had no sense of security in myself.
I got tired of feeling like that so I submitted to what God had wanted me to do. So last week Sunday I went to church and it was the first time I had went out in public with no weave or makeup on. It was sad chile. I was so nervous like I was going to preach or something. Someone called me pretty and I was shocked that they even found me pretty without my makeup on.
I realized the mental prison that the makeup had put me in. I also realized that I wore the makeup to pick up the lack in security I had from being the size that I am. So I decided to get the root. So I began praying for deliverance from the tainted mindset I was in, and I am going to lose the weight and the makeup.
It is a process, but I am beginning to like my face without makeup. And I realize I don’t need makeup to get a man or compliments. Any man that God has ordained for me will find me beautiful in whatever state I am in and without any conditions. As far as me losing the weight, that is because in all honesty obesity is not of God. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins and he is healing me in that aspect.
So I was a little confused to why God had wanted me to stop wearing the makeup. I prayed and I asked him if it was a sin. I didn’t know whether it was a sin or whether it was something I had to let go because it became a god to me. I haven’t read the whole bible so I don’t know if there are more verses and stories about women in the bible who wore make up, but I found some. For example, one day I was reading about a woman named Jezebel in the bible. She was wicked and did evil things and a man by the name of Jehu came to kill her. So when she found out, she “painted her face”. I found it interesting that they would note that. It’s in 2 Kings 9:30
“30 And when Jehu was come to Jezreel, Jezebel heard of it; and she painted her face, and tired her head, and looked out at a window ”
Now using my discernment I honestly don’t think it is wise to follow the ways of someone evil in the bible. The book of revelations talks about the jezebel spirit. So based off common sense it is just not wise to do something that someone wicked in the bible has done.
Make-up isn’t natural. If it was, then we wouldn’t need it. Now when I look at old pictures with all that makeup caked on I noticed that I resembled a baby doll instead of looking human. I see a rise of everyone wearing makeup and I also see a decline of women who have self value and realization of their worth. It is taking a lot of me to adjust to letting make-up go but God’s grace is sufficient.

If anyone needs prayer or advice you can email me at DeshawnBrown93@gmail.com
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Insecure Saints: Is abortion child sacrifice?

So before I even begin to elaborate on this issue, let me start by saying that this was written out of a place of love and obedience. This topic is very controversial and debatable but the God I serve is more important to me than my adversary or anyone who disagrees with this blog.
When this was first placed in my spirit to write about, I was a little hesitant because of how much abortion is being practiced not only in this country, but by many of my friends and family. But hey, call a spade a spade. The truth is the truth and tough love is needed sometimes.
So I guess by the tone of this disclaimer you could already discern what my view on abortion is lol, but I’m going to back it up with some bible so y’all don’t think I’m trying to make anyone feel any less of themselves.

Another disclaimer for y’all boys lol: I am not writing this to condemn anyone. Understand that there is a difference between condemnation and conviction. If you feel convicted or guilty from this blog all you have to do is repent and make an effort to never do it again. We all have our vices, so do I and I have to repent for something like every five minutes lol God  is working on me.

Okay so I have been led to read books from the old testament for some reason. Chile the old testament had it going on. But anywho, I’m now reading the book of Ezekiel. Basically, Ezekiel was a prophet that was sent to tell the people all what was going to happen to them because they had not turned from their wicked ways. Now this blog is not about the book of Ezekiel, but something stuck out to me.
It was Ezekiel 16:20-21
“20 Moreover thou hast taken thy sons and thy daughters, whom thou hast borne unto me, and these hast thou sacrificed unto them to be devoured. Is this of thy whoredoms a small matter, 21 That thou hast slain my children, and delivered them to cause them to pass through the fire for them”
In a nut shell this is exposing one of the many abominations that the people of Jerusalem had committed which was child sacrifice. Now I am going to connect it to abortion.

Okay so abortion is the act of killing an unborn child. We have to look at why one would choose to have an abortion and that is because they have idolized something or someone in their life.
For example, If you idolize  men and make them your God, you will do everything a man asks you to do so that he stays. Instead of trusting God to provide you a man, you idolize the men and trust their methods and your works instead of God’s. Now this man that you done broke all the commandments for got you pregnant. He says that he will only stay if you get rid of the child. So you have the abortion and you haven’t realized that you’ve made that man your god and you have sacrificed your child for him.
Some people idolize the sex itself. They make sex their god. Instead of relying on God to give them joy they use sex as a way to escape all the hell in their lives. They become completely dependent on it for happiness, love, and money. Now, you’ve gotten pregnant. You know that if you keep the child, it will become more difficult to maintain your sex life.
Now you have have gotten an abortion and use birth control so that you will kill your seed without the guilt.

I know that was a lot for some of you to take in but the good news is that Jesus has made it available for our sins to be forgiven. If you have done this, repent and understand that God loves you and your seed. If you are thinking about aborting your child, please don’t. Your child may have a great calling on their life and God will give you the grace you need to take care of your child if you ask him to. I know this wont get a lot of praise or likes but if this just reaches one person and opens their eyes then I will be satisfied.

If you have any questions or need prayer for anything you can email me at Deshawnbrown93@Gmail.com

Am I going to Heaven or Hell?

Have you ever heard someone ask if you died today, would you go to heaven or hell? What would your answer be? For awhile I honestly did not have a clue myself.
Before I begin to elaborate on my journey to salvation, let me begin by saying that joining  membership of a church by walking down an aisle is NOT receiving the eternal gift of life. You can be saved anywhere to be honest. Receiving salvation is more than just deciding to join the church one Sunday. It is something that you actually say AND believe in your heart.
It is in the bible in Romans 10:9-10
“9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. ”

When I was on my way to hell :\

I know the subtitle sounds a bit irrational, but it really is the truth. For the first 21 years of my life that is where I was going to go. I joined the church at 16 but I was not saved until 21. I was even baptized at 16 but I wasn’t saved. Now I know it is confusing for some of you reading this, but hear me out.
Okay so understand that according to Romans 10:9-10 in order to receive salvation we must do TWO things. We must CONFESS with our mouth the Lord Jesus and BELIEVE in thine heart and we shall be saved.
For my whole life I only did step one. I prayed to Jesus, I sang about Jesus, I even talked about Jesus, but I did not believe in my heart.
I was blessed enough to enquire my salvation and have God answer me before it was too late.
The evidence of my unbelief was the fact that I was not sure if I was going to Heaven or Hell. I did not have any clue on what grace was and although I had the knowledge that Jesus forgives our sins, I just didn’t believe that mine were forgiven.
I would always wonder if I was going to Heaven or Hell.
It bothered me so much that one night I prayed to God and I asked could he show me whether I was on my way to Heaven or Hell.
Keep in mind my prayer was driven by a misunderstanding of Gods grace, my unbelief, and what Jesus had done for us.
So that night I had a dream. I got shot and it seemed as if I “fell asleep” when in actuality I died in my dream. Once I died, I was transferred to a house with dim lighting. There were fire torches on the wall and I was laying on the floor. I saw three figures (I doubted they were human) dressed in all black robes come toward me. They grabbed my arms and I began to sink underground. It was that moment I knew that I was going to hell. I cried to God and said “why is this happening???” And I heard a voice say “you did not do enough”. I woke up real scared Chile, but it was not a nightmare but an answer to my prayers.
Redirection

At the time I had the dream, I was enrolled in college and I was indulging in drinking, smoking and just plain foolishness to be honest. I thought that stopping those things would get me in to Heaven so I stopped smoking and drinking. I thought I was on the ball. Till one night I had yet another dream. This time I died again, (God knows how to get my attention lol) and I was in clouds. The clouds were pink, purple, and  white. I was soaring toward what looked like a beautiful gold gate. Right before I got to the gate, something dark pulled me down and I woke up. So now I’m just TOO confused. I mean, I thought I was a good person, I stopped smoking, drinking, I prayed, so what am I missing now??!?!?! I figured it was my use of profanity lol, so I stopped cussing and I decided that I needed to get active in church.

So now I’m all “holy and sanctified”, or at least that is what I thought. Let me tell yall how I had ANOTHER dream. This time I was in a Chrysler 300, and I drove past an intersection and someone crashed the car while I was in it. All of a sudden, something light had my right hand, and something dark had my left. They were at a tug-o-war and I woke up before I could see who had won.
Now at this point God was screaming at me the answer and I was still slow. I didn’t get the full revelation of that dream until a minister interpreted it for me. Basically the tug-o-war represented the fight for my soul between God and Satan. I took me a couple of months of fasting and prayer and one day I received  salvation by watching a program on TBN. Thank you Jesus for TBN lol.

The reason I wasn’t saved was because I thought my works could get me there. Works are the things that we do. I thought that giving up all of those things would get me into heaven instead of believing that Jesus died for my sins. It says it in the bible in Ephesians 2:8-9 “8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

Now understand grace is not the justification to sin, but to get to Heaven. Sin is just nasty and wrong and it is something that we should stay away from. But because Jesus died for our sins, we have the ability to go to heaven. I know it sounds too good to be true but that is the loving God that we serve. The fact that he loved me enough to make sure I received salvation is enough for me to give him glory for the rest of my life.

If anyone needs prayer or advice you can email me at
DeshawnBrown93@gmail.com

Update

Due to my isolated state, I am not surprised if I am forgotten by everyone lol. Just reading these blogs from the past few months has marveled me ( not sure what marveled means but I thought it would be cute to use) lol.

Since my consecration, I have been able to hear Gods voice even more and a lot of uh….. “things” have been happening to me. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me this upcoming year and I am excited to share with you all :)

mental peace

Honestly, this blog is like my emotional checkpoint. The inspiration for each blog is me. That is why every blog I post is so detailed, because it reflects exactly whatever life lesson I’m learning at the moment.
I’m at a good place in my life. I mean, my circumstances are still not at my liking, but I have mental peace.
Seriously speaking, this is the worse circumstance I’ve ever been in, but this is the most happiest I’ve ever been. It’s so ironic, but true.
Now when I look back at those high school/college days where I let the smallest issues depress me I laugh. I had everything. I had  my complete family, health, money, friends etc. Now that all of those things have almost all been taken away, I have more peace without them.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not the absence of those things that has made me happy. In fact, when I lost everything, I went in to a deep depression. I am at a place in my life where God is really all I have.
You’d think that I would feel horrible, but I don’t. I really began to seek God in everything I do and it has paid off  mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Studying God’s word through my tribulation has given me hope. I read stories about men in the bible like Joseph and Job, who had to go through the most but ultimately became triumphant.
The bible is really a life guide and a manual. I wish people really read the bible instead of memorizing certain prayers.
Praying also works wonders. If I feel depressed I pray for revelation and assurance and I receive it.
Now I am no irrational bible thumper, I am simply someone who had no option but God and gave him a chance. Giving my life COMPLETELY to God has been the best decision I could’ve ever made.
Humble beginnings is my reality for now, but when my breakthrough manifests from my faith and God’s grace, you all will be motivated to try God too.
So if you’re in a season, or maybe your while life has been turmoil, try giving your life to God whole heartedly, and watch him mend broken hearts, replace what you’ve lost, and make you whole.

If you need me to pray for you, email me at deshawnbrown93@gmail.com

Why do I feel so unappreciated and unloved?

Ever felt unappreciated? Like you’d lay your life on the line for people whose mind you barely cross? I wish I could tell you that it is all in your head, but I can’t. The reality is, that just may be the case.
All human beings are different. Which means our emotions, priorities, needs and wants are not the same. I had to learn this for myself. I am in a transition phase in my life. I am seeking God’s purpose for my life and it has left me at a stand still with a lot of things from  my old life. I realized that when my priorities changed, others priorities stayed the same. I also realized that some of the things or people I prioritize do not prioritize me. It is something that saddens me from time to time, but as each day goes by I remind myself I cannot be distracted

Between trying to find my calling, work on  my health, maintain friendships, decipher who to let go, love myself, love someone else and discipleship, it has gotten to be almost overbearing. Many who read this wont even know what I am talking about, but someone will. When you are in a true transition from an old life to your called life you are literally ripping yourself away from what you knew during your entire existence.
When you are going in the direction that God wants you to go, the devil will do anything to distract you. If he sees that he cannot hurt you through monetary or material possessions, then he will move to your weakness.
My weakness is love. It is so ironic that my weakness is also my strength. When I love something or someone, they have the ability to encourage me to move mountains but they also have the power to discourage me to feel helpless. Yesterday I found myself crying on the floor at a breaking point. It wasn’t because of the lack of money or education, not even the status of my employment. I found myself at a rock bottom because I felt so unloved and unappreciated. In all honesty I felt as if there was no one on this Earth that ever made me an important factor in their lives and to everyone, I was just an option. If you are reading this and you have ever felt like this, I am going to keep it real with you.
If you feel like that, then that is probably the reality. Does that mean you are a bad person? No. Does that mean that you are unworthy? No. Does that mean you won’t ever be a priority? No.
What we must understand is that God has to be our priority. We have been God’s priority since the beginning of time. He sent his begotten son to die on the cross for you and I to be rachet and reckless and have the ability to repent for it. It sounds so cliche but if you can just let go of those people that don’t give you that attention you long for and give it to God, you will be so happy you did.
I mean really, I am learning to let go of people. Does that mean I hate them? No. Do I love them any less? No. But I had revelation and I realized my faults. Rather than waiting for mama, cousin, boo thang or my friends to comfort me I could be finding my comfort in God.
Keep in mind I said learning, because this is something I struggle with, and this is a lesson that I learned not even 24 hours ago. I told myself that from now on I am putting God as my priority. I cannot rely on man because it leaves me disappointed everytime. It saddens me but it doesn’t defeat me. I hope that you are not only encouraged by reading this but reminded. Reminded that you cannot be distracted by spiritual attacks and that you have purpose and prosperity waiting for you at the other side of this small test. Be encouraged.

life is hard, if you would like me to pray for you or if you need someone to talk to feel free to contact me via email at deshawnbrown93@gmail.com

Social Networking sites can suck.

Social Networks

As technology advances, so does the means of communication. Not too long ago, a beeper was the thing to have. Then, cell phones. Then all of a sudden, something called the internet was created  and we could connect with the whole world through social networking.

Since my walk with God, I put everything in to a spiritual perspective. Although social networks are for good, the devil has perverted it to make living a holy life feel that much more impossible.
Think im being irrational? Think about it. Grandma Susie Mae and Grandaddy Pop didn’t have instagram and Facebook. Do you see them breaking up every five minutes? Do you see Grandaddy pop slinging yae to keep up with everyone’s lavish image?
No. You see how love is timeless and how material things dont matter. Their money is invested in businesses accounts rather than shoes that go out of style every 5 months. If you dont believe me, let me break it down.

The Pros

Social networking sites have pros. You can be your own PR, you can even become famous. You can even preach the gospel to those who would’ve never heard a sermon before. Social networking sites also makes it easier to contact people you would’ve never been able to reach. I like to think of a direct message as the “gentle approach” compared to approaching someone in person.
You can also find love.. If you’re into that. They have websites where you can find a mate and hit it off. See now, for me, no. I dont knock anyone who goes on them websites down, its just that lifestyle is not for me. I rather sit here with some cats and be lonely. My pride is going have me by myself lol.
Anywho, y’all get what I mean. Social networking sites do come in handy… Its just that once that devil get a grip, all hell breaks loose, literally.

The Cons

Sigh, I hate to be such a negative Nancy but here we go… Social networking sites are awesome but if you don’t see the destruction you’ll fall right into the trap.. It makes it hard for young people with love, finances, self esteem etc.

Love

Now this is an unsaid truth, or maybe you do say these things lol. Everybody knows that social networking makes maintaining love harder these days. Let me explain why.
Okay so picture this, you’re hitting it off with this guy/girl and you really start liking them. Y’all a lil secret, but you guys wanna get on the gram (instagram) and show these haters how cute y’all look together. So, you guys upload a picture.
Now, you subconsciously wait for everyone’s approval with “aww” and heart eye emojis.
Ladies, next thing you know, the likes come in slow, slower than his average pictures get. Then you see girls comment saying “lol” or “oh”. In your mind, you are infuriated and you’re ready to give up.
Now all these random chicks start following you, you check em out, and you see a picture of your dude and the girl uploaded from a year and six months ago before you even knew him, but you dont care. You end up cutting him off without letting him explain how his ex is not over him but he has no ties with her. Now you just lost you a good man from being goofy.
Now you got all his exes following you and you may not follow back, but if their page is public, chile you on it. If its private, you got your third cousin twice removed to follow her so yall can see her page. While you’re on it, you’re constantly comparing yourself to her and some days she looks really nice and now you feeling all low.
Then, you see the ex at a function and since you both follow each other you feel obligated to speak. Now you done allowed someone that you did not want to be in your life, be in your life.
Fellas, y’all not off the hook. You upload a picture of you and your girl and all you’re homeboys that tried to talk to her try to make her seem like a jezebel. Now instead of asking her about her past, you jump to conclusions and cut her off.
There is nothing more annoying than a hurt man, know why? Because men dont cry, they just try not to care. So instead of really trying to fix it they’ll throw the hurt away instead of dealing with it. Now sir, you done lost a good woman because you were being goofy.
Now y’all in a depression. The girl that cut her guy off still follows him, since he’s smiling on a picture he uploaded for the first time in 10 months she assumes he’s happy without her. Little does she know, she’s all he thinks about. He decided to upload a picture smiling so that his facade of a happy life would be updated, when deep inside he’s heart broken.
Oh and the guy that cut the girl off? Yeah, he’s stalking the girl’s page. He’s worried because she hasn’t uploaded a picture in months. So instead of calling her, he uploads love memes about five times a day winning hearts of every girl on instagram but the one he truly wants.
Now I know yall thinking im being irrational, but im really not. People are going through this everyday. Instead of investing in potential marriages and covenants we are giving up for stupid reasons from social networking sites.
Finances

Sigh. Social networking sites allows facades to be in our faces all day. I personally come from a poor neighborhood (well, im still here lol) and at the age im at, im not financially stable to go all around the country every weekend with red bottoms on, but for some reason, many people my age in these days can.
Everytime I go on instagram or Facebook, I see people my age in foreign rental cars and 400 dollar hair do’s. I see them going to Vegas one week, the next week they’re off to Atlanta. In my mind im thinking… Is it something that I am doing wrong? If me and my friends try to plan a trip it takes about 3 years to go two hours out the city lol.
Then I put everything in perspective. Half the people my age are selling drugs, doing fraud, borrowed they cousin old virgin hair, account in the negatives but car gas tank full, police got a warrant waiting for them when they get back in the states, etc.
Rather than taking out those subsidized and unsubsidized loans to go on a trip to show Facebook, how about we pay off our debts, be broke in our youth and invest in our future?
How about we open a savings account and dont touch any of the money, let it increase over time, take out ten percent of every check we make and by the age of 40 invest and start a business?
Its so many people trying to keep up with the Jones’s that they are going to end up locked up or in massive debt in the future.

Self Esteem

I’m an apple shape… My friends like to say I have a SpongeBob booty, and I know this to be true lol. Now, I could be grateful that God has blessed me with all my limbs and a beautiful face lol or I could go on Buffy the body’s instagram and depress myself because I dont have the body she has.
Now I know I am not the only person who has self esteem issues, but a lot of times these girls compare themselves to unrealistic examples. Most of these “beautiful bodies” are man made instead of God made because of all that plastic surgery. Now you sitting at big mama’s table on Sunday eating a big pot of greens because that is what a video vixen told you to do to get her booty. She left out her shots, and now them collard greens got you with a stomach and you look pregnant. Dont say I didn’t warn y’all.

Bottom line is, we can’t compare ourselves to the rest of the world… That is what social networking sites do to us. Yes, there is good but there is also bad. There are so many other points I could’ve made but this blog would’ve turned into a book lol. That is why I am making a new instagram, with only people who I actually care about seeing how they are doing, with people who aren’t living for a facade, NOBODY’S EXES and people who are trying to live a happy holy life like me. Till next time friends lol