It’s been a while since the last time I have posted a blog. I have been going through a lot mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I needed a little time to clear my mind and prioritize which left little room for me to post anything.
During my break, I have realized that the difficulty of my walk with Christ had been heightened. I began to compromise the word of God with my lifestyle, vocabulary, as well as the advice that I gave people.
When I first got saved last year, God spoke to me clearly and told me the things to stay away from.
Well, about a year later, I found myself doing all the things he said don’t do.
It was from a “why me” mindset that led me to rebel. God called me to read a lot of the bible everyday and I couldn’t wear what everyone wore or eat what everyone else ate. I would look at other people in the church and wonder why couldn’t I do certain things that everyone else could. He had to remind me that the bible says “to much is given, much is required” and I am very aware of the blessings and breakthroughs he has provided for me and that they come with a price.
So I began to humble myself and get back into obedience but this was only because all hell on earth had transpired in my life lol. I realized once I began to do what God wanted me to do then everything started to turn around and that he used fiery trials to not only get my attention but to get me back to obedience.
I titled this blog “Have I become a saved hypocrite” because that is exactly what I had become. Of course I have redeemed myself but I needed a little reality check.
Okay this is turning into a book let me get specific before I lose y’all lol. Okay so maybe some of you haven’t read all of my blogs but a while ago I talked about insecure saints and the affects of make up and weave. In a nut shell, when I first got saved I was desperate to hear Gods voice because I was at a very low point in my life. I began to do a forty day fast from secular music, TV, certain foods, all my friends, and even my man (which was legit impossible with my flesh but God came through lol).
I kept praying that God speak to me. That was my prayer every single day. I began reading the bible and studying Jesus and all he did on the earth. He healed the sick, cast out devils, made the lame walk and the dumb speak. What stuck out to me was how he talked about wholeness. It was certain instances where not only he healed people but they had been made whole.
This stuck out to me. I needed healing in all areas but I wanted to be whole.
When you think of wholeness there is no deficient in any area of yourself. I realized from past hurt and pain that I had been extremely insecure about everything about me.
I didn’t like my personality and I hated my physical appearance. I remember crying because I felt unattractive and the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said if you want to be made whole, stop wearing makeup.
Now what im not gone do is repeat my whole blog so you can read that one later lol. But to summarize it all up I stopped wearing it for a couple of months. I felt better about myself…. Slowly. I began getting compliments but I still felt intimidated.
I began being the advocate for not wearing makeup. I would tell people how makeup and weave has insecurities and pride attached to it and we need to be proud in the way God made us.
Then…. I moved to Atlanta. I didn’t wear it for a while but man everybody looks like celebrities here lol. So I started dabbling in it and then I just wore it as if God had never said anything about it. Then I started feeling hideous when I took it off. A few people asked me about it since I wrote a blog about not wearing it and then im doing the polar opposite. I began not feeling pretty enough and it led to problems in my relationship. The insecurities that were attached to my disobedience consumed me as soon as I GAVE IT PERMISSION to. This led to me and my man almost breaking up. He didn’t even do anything and I would send pages of text saying how I was just too insecure to be with anyone. Lol I feel bad now because he would be so confused and try to shower me with compliments but it just wouldn’t work.
I went on a fast from everything to clear my mind and to see what God had to say. He told me I needed to pray, read my bible, fast and stop wearing the makeup and the weave. I did everything except give up the makeup.
So one day I was putting on lashes but it legit didn’t wanna work. Only one was coming on and the other one wouldn’t act right. I was trying to get ready for church and then the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He asked me why am I putting on makeup for church. He also said that in His house it isn’t about me and looking cute; it is about his name being glorified and magnified. He told me not to put on the lashes and it took so long for me to put the other one on. Now meanwhile while the Holy Spirit is speaking to me, im ignoring him trying to out these lashes on (dont judge me just pray for me because we all fall short). Anywho, I got frustrated and said “OH MY GOD CAN I JUST PUT THE LASHES ON????!!!!!!” and then the lash got on immediately.
Now remember yall, I told yall I was getting ready for church. How about it took so long for me to put the lashes on I had missed church. Then later on the night I ripped them off and my lashes were extremely swollen. I was a itchy, Man-less muppet who needed repentance and redemption lol. So I humbled myself and took the makeup off and the weave and haven’t put it on since.
Since then, I have seen a major change in my life. I am starting to like my appearance even more and my boyfriend really makes me feel beautiful without it. I realized I don’t need all that junk to look good and I know that a lot of women in ministry and the church wears it but you know what…. Obedience is better than sacrifice and his sheep knows his voice so if God said dont touch it then I ain’t touching it.
We can’t go by off what we see other leaders do. Who says that aren’t in bondage with insecurity? I’m not saying everyone who wears it is, im just saying if you got a friend who looks good with it on but can’t go to the gas station without it… One word.. BONDAGE.
I don’t know about yall, I know this ain’t a popular topic but I don’t care. I would ask that you all forgive me for being a hypocrite by saying one thing and doing another.
There is more to my rebellion to redemption testimony other than the makeup and weave but this blog will not be any longer lol. I’ll elaborate more in another blog :) Welp my flight is landing so im going to end it here with a prayer
A prayer for wholeness
Father God, Thank you for all you have done for your children. Right now we ask that the Holy Ghost
Comes upon us and that we pray your perfect will.
Jesus we exalt tour name and we thank you for the finish works on the cross. right now we receive
your healing, provision, salvation and wholeness in your mighty name.
For the bible says that your sheep know your voice. so
right now we rebuke any spiritual lameness or dumbness in the name of Jesus and we loose your angels with
messages from heaven to us.
I rebuke any unbelief in my heart in the name of Jesus.
to that leviathan serpent that has bitten me through my disobedience, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus and you no longer
have authority over me and with the blood of Jesus I heal that womb from the bite.
Lord I ask that you speak to me concerning the things I must give up to be made whole.
I rebuke the spirit of perversion trying to distort and compromise what you have placed in my spirit and
I loose clarity and revelation.
I break the covenant between me and disobedience and I ask that you
send a death angel upon my life and anything that is not of God or filled with the Holy Ghost that is in my mind, heart, or spirit, that the death angel kills it like you did in the Passover.
I want a relationship with you Lord God and I thank you for your unconditional love. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
If you guys have any prayer request or concerns you all can contact me at: